what happens now?

what happens now? 

All the moving toward something, someone, somewhere just stops. What now? It feels like the end of a chase scene but there’s no outcome, no resolution that is obvious or quick. It’s merely a ceasing of looking for the next thing. Anticlimactic. A slowing down, going within more deeply, as there is no shiny object calling my attention. 

It’s ordinary and routine. Making tea in the same pot. Opening the same blinds each morning. Hearing the same birdsong. There is nothing new.

But I am noticing there is an intimacy available that comes with the staying. It is a similar quality that I have known over decades of meditation. The terrain becomes more nuanced. The space inside has taken on variations and the ability to stay out of the extreme places in my mind is more common these days. 

Perhaps this is what is happening now… a deeper intimacy that requires repetition and willingness to stay. Not always be on the way to somewhere else. To bring my whole attention to where I am and love fully from here? Nothing more needed to allow myself out to shine in the everyday ordinary moments. To be ready for the inevitable changes but not need to create a mountain to climb, but instead to climb the ones that are already here. Perhaps that is what’s happening now?

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Valerie KausenComment