unleashed

33 years ago I fell one story through this fire escape.

I had just been tie-dying at Stinson Beach in Northern California and was proudly hanging the shirts on the rung of the ladder to dry. I didn’t know there was a hole. I had never been on a fire escape before.

My right leg caught on the edge of the opening and I jackknifed scraping my back bringing me to land flat on my back on the next story down. My head conveniently inside an open widow that pivoted out and happened to be flush and fully open (as I look again now the cement was only inches away from being my final destination).

I saw my step-brother’s face come above me from where I lay disoriented saying, “are you alright?!” Breathlessly I responded, “no, call an ambulance.” He darted out of view and then suddenly reappeared and said, “do you know how expensive they are? How about I just take you?” And before I could respond he found his way down to me and lifted me up, walked me through the stranger’s apartment, out the front door, down the elevator, into the car and drove me to the hospital.

After x-rays and and a full exam it was stated, “there’s nothing broken, here are some muscle relaxants, you can go.”

This statement set me on my journey into “alternative” medicine.

My right leg felt like I was dragging it along, I couldn’t take a full breath, my neck was in constant pain. My right arm reminded me of a doll’s detachable appendage put on backward.

I found a chiropractor and began with more x-rays and was shown the flattening of my spine behind my heart and my neck that was curved in the opposite direction from it’s natural position.

Since then I have stayed out of hospitals and away from mainstream doctors with only a couple emergency situations in need of a clinic or ER. 

These are the focuses (as many as I can recall) that have brought me back to my aliveness:

  • 1Life Collective (co-facilitated with Robert Bengtson)
  • 6 love-of-my-life relationships 
  • Acupuncture
  • Al Anon - 12 Step Recovery 
  • Alphabiotics
  • Ancient Lomi Lomi (Kekoa Powers)
  • Astrocartography
  • Authentic Movement 
  • Ayurvedic Herbs and Oil Treatments 
  • BASE (Body and Somatic Education) (Pamela Hotchkiss)
  • Big Embrace Rock Musical - co-wrote and performed in
  • Bodywork, so much and so many different kinds
  • Breakthrough Performance Workshop
  • Breathwork
  • Chinese Herbs
  • Chiropractic (network and traditional)
  • Chuck Jones’ (the joy of being his grand-daughter and running his company for several years)
  • Coaching (a lot of it)
  • Collective Healing (co-produced with Ajaya Sommers, Jesua Love, Ron Tofanelli)
  • Colon Hydrotherapy and Coffee Enemas
  • Community Living
  • Cowry Shell Divinations (Malidoma Somé , Gary Heine)
  • Cranial Sacral Therapy
  • Creativity, so many different expressions
  • EMDR
  • Detox (so many different ones)
  • Dance (my own wildness, Sweat Your Prayers, Ecstatic, Contact Improv, a lot of car dancing & singing)
  • Didgeridoo (I’m learning to play) 
  • Drumming
  • Earthing
  • Eckhart Tolle in-person Teachings
  • Ecstatic Body Postures
  • EDGU Certification - self empowering evolutionary spinal maintenance (Jeffrey Redman)
  • Emotional Release Work Certification (Bonnie Serratore)
  • Energy Medicine
  • Essential Oils and Spagyrics Tinctures
  • Family
  • Family Constellation Work
  • Fasting (40 day young coconut water, 7 day water)
  • Flogging and Piercing Rituals (Cleo Dubois)
  • Food Growing 
  • Foot Detox
  • Frequency Medicine
  • Friends (so many beautiful humans who see me and remind me when I’ve forgotten and love me the whole way through)
  • Gangaji in-person teachings
  • Ginger Compresses 
  • Green Papaya Juice
  • HeartMath
  • Herbs and Supplements (so many)
  • His Holiness the Dalai Lama in-person teachings
  • Homeopathy
  • Hooping 
  • Hot Springs (Esalen, Breightonbush Hot Springs, Ten Thousand Waves to name a few not-to-be-missed ones)
  • Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (Oxybaric)
  • Indigenous Healing
  • Improv Comedy (the 3xtremes with Jett Green and Susanne Bersbach)
  • Improvisational Living, Intuition 
  • Infrared Sauna
  • Internal Pelvic Massage
  • Initiatory Ritual Work (Ariel Spilsbury)
  • Internal Family Systems (Parts Work)
  • Intravenous Therapy (Ozone, Vit C, Glutathione, Myers Cocktail)
  • Intuition (learning to listen and feel)
  • Intuitive Healing (Wendy DeRosa)
  • Iridology
  • Listening (to be open to the unknown)
  • Live Blood Cell Analysis 
  • Lymph Massage
  • Love
  • Macrobiotics 
  • Massage School
  • Maya Abdominal Massage
  • Meditation
  • Mercury Fillings Out
  • Mindfulness Practices
  • Money 101 (Steve Fox, Bari Tessler)
  • Mooji teachings
  • Moving Temple (Louisville, KY - with Shantam Lanz, Ajaya Sommers)
  • Music and Music Festivals, so much of it
  • Nature (especially the ocean, trees, flowers and soil)
  • Nomadic lifestyle (going where I'm drawn to)
  • Oil Pulling
  • Osteopathy
  • Organic Food as Medicine and giving up alcohol nearly 30 years ago
  • Orgasmic Meditation (Nicole Daedone)
  • Ozone Therapy
  • Pendulum
  • Non-Violent Communication
  • Pema Chödrön
  • Photo Shoots (nude and business)
  • Permaculture Certification
  • Personal Development (a thousand at least started when I was 5 years old in family therapy with Herb Seal)
  • Plant Medicines + Psychedelics (ayahuasca, psilocybin [micro-dose to heroic], DMT, LSD, cannabis/CBD, ketamine, MDMA, Rapé-Hape’, Tobacco)
  • Praying
  • Raindrop Therapy
  • Readings (psychic, human design, enneagram, tarot, western and vedic astrology, playing card deck)
  • Reflexology
  • Rolfing
  • Roller Skating
  • Scuba Diving
  • Service
  • Sexual Healing
  • Shamanic Healing
  • Silent Retreats
  • Singing
  • Somatic Agency (Fred Mitour)
  • Somatic Release
  • SoulCraft 
  • Soul Essence Perfume Therapy (Stevie Gayle Stephens)
  • Soul Retrieval
  • Sound Healing
  • Spiritual Healing
  • Supporting others (organizing retreats and business support)
  • Sustainability (Bioneers, Permaculture, Eco Soul integrated models, Food Growing People Summit for 40,000 people with Gary Heine)
  • Swimming with Wild Dolphins
  • Taking Refuge with Lama Tharchin Rinpoche
  • Tapping
  • Tara Brach (Radical Self Acceptance)
  • Teaching (sharing what I've learned)
  • Theta Healing
  • Transforming Victim Consciousness (Lynne Forrest)
  • Travel (all over the US, Europe, Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama, Brazil, Canada)
  • TRE - Tension and Trauma Release Certification 
  • Undefended Love
  • Urine Therapy
  • Vibrational Healing
  • Violet Ray Machine
  • Voice and Movement therapy (Sahn - Institute of Indigenous Arts™)
  • Waist Beads
  • Watsu / Vasa Dance
  • Yoga (hot and many other lineages)

and mostly

My Sacred Body - the greatest teacher and navigational tool I will ever experience. My own piece of earth.

The fall was the turn toward my body, emotions and spirit. I have been my own laboratory. My own master’s degree in embodiment. 

We are not who we are in spite of what we have lived through. We are the magnificent creatures we are because of it.

One year ago I left Louisville, KY, after 10 years of cultivation of my mentoring work. It was nurtured by those who received me and brought more of my gifts out. One year ago I was broken in pieces by extracting myself from what had become my home. I spent months feeling I wanted to be dead. I let myself feel it all. I let myself go all the way down into the morass of isolation and ancient wounding. My parents gave me refuge and comfort with enough space to stay with myself and my own timing. I did not feel rushed or judged. I am eternally grateful for this kind of love and trust in me. It modeled what I had not been able to give myself up until that point.

Through those months of darkness and deep mistrust of life and myself I continued to work with long-time clients showing up in my fullness and feeling grateful for a place to focus my loving attention. And when the session was done I’d return immediately to the unknown territory I was in. 

During this year I had a cardiac event and ended up with a shock-to-the-heart in the emergency room, a re-boot of my physical and emotional heart. Soon after I felt a return to my own being. A dropping into my own belly and reconnection with the sanctuary of myself. It was subtle yet palpable.

A turn toward the knowing that life is happening for me, not against me. My intuition came more fully online and I started to follow my instincts in ways that I had tasted in the past, but not fully become.

I was blessed by many trips to beautiful places, Maui, Big Island of Hawaii, Costa Rica, Astoria, Northern California, Oregon, New Mexico and stayed with so many loving friends and family who see me and welcomed me. They all cared for me physically and emotionally. It was a year of  being in the cosmic infirmary.

Today I am free. I am self-referenced and deeply connected to source, the earth and my body. I trust myself in ways I had no idea were available. I am able to respond to what arises and notice if defense or emotion is involved and use it to go in and claim what I’ve left behind in innocence and self-preservation.

My body is my navigational system. I am feeling my way. “If it feels good it is good” as my time at Onetaste, the orgasmic meditation and living by desire, folks taught me. This truth of being alive and feeling a depth of gratitude is my way. The path is revealed by my feeling what is here fully and listening for the call to move in a direction that I would not have seen or felt if I didn’t fully embody the last wave of experience. I am grateful to be able to give back what I have been given. Being seen and trusted on my path by so many.

I am so happy to have my work and my life as a dynamic adventure that continues to teach me exactly what I need for the next moment of connection. 

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Valerie KausenComment