fall into grace

Sometimes grace is so simple, a feeling that (seems) has always been. And then it changes. The very antithesis of the unwavering knowing. The un-knowing. The endless horizon of "what next?!".

Do you know this abyss?

As I packed up my belongings and tucked them into a small space to store, loaded my car and reluctantly drove away from the daily rituals, love and comfortable home, I realized I was there, again… in the un-knowing.

Moments like these are why I do daily practices. So that whatever comes, my center is strong enough to weight me into grace. That's the idea. The big picture. Most of the time this is the case. I am heavy in grace.

But this time I set a perfect booby trap for myself. I ate sugar. Lots of it (at least for me). All at once. It was chocolate sweetened with evaporated cane juice - sounds benign enough. But sugar is a drug. I've been off that drug (almost entirely) for two decades.

Amnesia comes over me and I think, "what harm can it do? enjoy it". And so I do. Until the next day when I begin to ache in every joint of my body, as though arthritis suddenly took me over, my eyes feel like grains of sand are continuously purging from behind my contact lenses, I have an intense headache and I'm driving a thousand miles. "What harm could it do?"

It took three days to return to myself.

I am astounded by the power of the body to purge what is causing dis-ease when given the chance. Clean water, clean simple food, daily practices, my recipe for grace.

I tell you all this to say, I am never that far away from falling back into grace, and neither are you.  No matter the forgetfulness to care tenderly in each moment for ourselves, or the seeming endless abyss of the un-knowing, or the body, mind or emotional purging.  Our  state of grace (the trust and joy of what is happening is my definition) is always right where we are.

How have you fallen into grace or out of grace? Would love to hear.

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Valerie Kausen2 Comments