start with yes

Where we place our attention - grows. I think everyone has had the experience of spiraling down into fear or anxiety and feeling like there was no choice. Like being grabbed and pulled into an alternate reality.

I've been doing an experiment for just over 50 days. The premise is: never to be ashamed of myself or my body for one year.

I woke up one morning and just felt tired of the background scenery that was bleak and in fact quite mean in it's voice.

Basically the story being: "There is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with your body." And on and on and on. Being caught in an eddy of negative self talk rattling in the distance most of the time loud enough for me to be distracted by it.

So, this experiment of being kind and generous with myself, is going WONDERFULLY! I have to say, all that energy that once was tied up with useless ridicule is now being harnessed for deep creative expression, learning, play and deepening my work experience with clients.

This was a great idea.

It does take mindfulness. I have to catch myself before I fall back. Like catching a glimpse of skin in a mirror that is unfamiliar and unkind and feeling the old-angry-familiar-ready-to-pounce. Instead I fiercely say to myself, "You are so beautiful!"

I write every day for 1-3 minutes minimum, more if I feel to. I've committed to one year so I can get the feeling of what life is like choosing where I place my attention. But if f I think about doing or not doing something forever it seems daunting and unrealistic. But chunks of time. That suits my project oriented mind.

Not that I don't have emotions, healing moments or frustration that I'm not getting where I want to go fast enough, I do.

But I am offering myself a container of loving kindness to live inside of. That is new.

I was talking with a friend today, exploring the roots of the insidious shame. Is it religious? Cultural? Ancestral? Whatever the root, the gift to myself and the world is…stop perpetuating a story that seems to serve nothing beneficial.

As a part of my eradication of shame from my life - I'm committing to practice partner dancing wherever I can. To let life flow through me in fun ways. To learn to be led. This is a stretch.

Tell me a story you are willing to give up - today. We all deserve love and a chance to grow.

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Valerie KausenComment