I am returning to a place in my life where so much of me came alive for the first time.

In my late 20s I followed my intuition everywhere. I swam with dolphins in the Bahamas where I was sonar-ed from head to toe by my new friends. I gathered with people who aligned more with the stars than earth, feeling a deep sense of welcome and home in Mt. Shasta. I found my way to the Big Island of Hawaii where I lived off-grid in community, began my meditation practice in earnest, learned to wield a machete to open as many young coconuts as I could find.

I am back on the Big Island after 18 years. As I flew in over the ocean and saw land my heart leapt with a joy I hadn’t felt in as many years since I’d been here last. It’s a feeling of belonging and simple joy. It was the 90s, before the inundation of technology. I had a computer, but it wasn’t the focus of each day. It was a tool. The focus of my days was connecting with my inner world, connection with my ever-changing environment that Hawaii brings and connecting with the people around me in real time. 

A deep sweetness was planted in me that until I landed here, I had remembered only in longing memories.

This past couple of years have been the most intense and stressful of my life. I lost my beautiful father. I got married to Gary, I got fired from an all consuming job I had taken, supported Gary through brain surgery, separated from Gary, packed up my car with all my belonging and drove from Kentucky to my parents in California where they lovingly gave me space to grieve. I experienced a level of depression I had only supported clients through. 

The immense kindness of friends and family has shown me that I am supported and loved. It has humbled me in a way that only life can, in real time. 

I have emerged through this more available and deeply empathetic for those in transition and stress. My work has changed. It’s more precise and clear. 

I have been giving sessions over this past year, but only the few I carried with me from a distance. Louisville had been my home for nearly 10 years. I have grieved my relationship, my in-person business, the community, nature and home that I felt there. I miss it.

So, when I felt the home-coming of the Big Island, I was sweetly reminded that other places have my heart, too, and that I will feel that sense of home again. 

For now, and I imagine always, I will keep following my intuitive leads and see where and with whom I find myself. But I am finding home within myself in a way I never have before. I am grateful for all of it. 

I am ready to serve in a much larger way.

Valerie KausenComment