I celebrated my 53rd birthday just over a week ago. I hosted a dinner party for a few friends at a lovely housesit I was in the midst of. I started cooking the day before and felt a lot of irritation and energy moving through me thinking, “why I am doing this by myself?” I had the intention of not being alone during the holidays and my birthday, but here I was alone for nearly 3 weeks in a huge beautiful house.
I actually wasn’t alone I had two lovely older dogs and a cat named Tarzan to keep me company. But the voice in my head was anxious and dissatisfied, the one that has an idea of how things “should” be. As the day went on nearing the arrival of my guests the irritation intensified and it wasn’t until several people had arrived that I began to let the love in.
I felt a sense of connection and being seen that I was longing for. A depth of reflection and care that was the nourishment I felt I’d been missing, but obviously was always there. I let myself ask for what I wanted, ask questions and let myself receive all of this love fully and see how it uplifted us all to have that connection.
A few days later I got sick and was forced to slow down and listen. I had many plans for this first week of the new year like completing undone tasks and preparing for my upcoming trip to Louisville that came to be very quickly on an intuitive knowing.
I am humbled by this life. Grateful for those who see and love me and those I get the honor of being in service to. It is feeling more and more like a free fall, adjusting in motion, staying connected in the ways I’m able to and letting love lead me.
I just heard a flock of geese flying over head and it reminded me of Mary Oliver’s poem Wild Geese with the line “Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.”
My beautiful mother, a self-proclaimed atheist, just reminded me of this bible quote after proofreading this post for me, "Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.”
Happy new year, may we be willing to receive what we desire and already have.