what would I do if I wasn't ashamed of myself?

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If I wasn’t ashamed of myself I’d take off my sweater when I’m dancing knowing the giggle under my arms is more prominent.

I’d let my sexual energy out in public and know that I can say no.

I’d write more and communicate with my clients with more frequency and intimacy.

I would stop cowering to men thinking I need their approval to be welcomed in the world. And every single time I heard an injustice in my presence, I’d say something. 

If I wasn’t ashamed of myself I’d wear shorts and trust my attraction for life and people. 

I’d let myself receive more. More money. More sex. More love. More fun.

The shame has sat between me and life comfortably heavy and dense. Keeping me insulated from having to feel too much or give too much. It’s the awkward. The lack of flow. The doubt that I chase around into dark corners.

This is (at least) a part-time job, preparing to not be seen physically alone. Because I may offend someone who may see me. So I hide. Tuck everything in. Make sure there’s not too much loose and moving around.

That is up until now.

Now I commit to listen to my desire and act on it. No matter how small. Even when I may disappoint someone. 

I commit to return to love as quickly as I remember when I fall into self-criticism, blame or defensiveness.

I commit to celebrate others’ beauty, successes, passionate loves and windfalls of grace and abundance.

I commit to let myself start before I’m ready and keep going.

I commit to slow down enough to include all of me.

I commit to play and to be awkward when it’s time.

I’m emerging out of my personal and collective story lines to create my part in this mystery of life. 

This is what I’m doing as I let go of the hypnosis of shame in all its guises. What would you do?

Valerie Kausen1 Comment