the great unraveling
I feel happy today. The kind of well-used-in-service kind of happy. I don’t take this lightly as the passage to arrive here has been…well like being held under a wave for far too long not knowing which direction had air. That was part of this great unraveling, that has perhaps been my life, but more recently it’s felt like the surrender to my life. Giving up the fight inside myself to show up and be something that someone or culture demanded from me.
This kind of unraveling is messy. It demands all of me, all my attention and willingness to be uncomfortable and witnessed. Connection with others eases the sharp edges and helps remind me that I’m loved. I have actually been waking up from the deepest sleep and the first words that rise are, “I love you.” it feels so simple as it occurs, but still so new that once I’m fully conscious I marvel at the miracle of that. A sweet moment with myself where there is no other or expectation or identity. Just that sweet moment of loving and being loved.
As I soften into the great unraveling I feel more innocent and curious. I am having needs and desires arise and nearly instantly they are fulfilled, many without having to open my mouth to ask for it. I’m asking for help in the moments I feel stuck. I pick up the phone when I think of someone and make connection.
It’s getting to be playful even.
I have a level of trust I have never known before and my life is becoming more abundant than I ever imagined. And, I know there is more to open to and receive. I feel willing. I am able to utilize my cosmic gymnastics to slow down enough to be where I am, rather than beating myself up for not being somewhere else, to actually enjoy the great unraveling.
This is new. All of this is new to me. I leave tomorrow for Costa Rica for a deep dive into more of me.
Thank you for everything and more please.