how magic brought me to the truth: I am a witch
I was watching a year-old recording of a live class a few days ago, feeling resentful that I wasn’t able to participate.
Someone asked about money spells. While I continued listening I found an Extra Large Money Draw Spell Kit and explored and felt into it. It cost more than I imagined. I asked for confirmation from my faceted labradorite necklace (pendulum).
So, I bought it and instantly my bank notice came in "Account overdrawn.”
My first reaction was, “Are you kidding me?!” And then immediately I saw the humor of it.
My desire takes me into money holes, at least it has for many years. My hunger to know my own power and how to wield it has put me $70K in debt.
But, the magical shift in my thinking at that moment was, “I am retrieving my power from my own darkness and I’m willing to trust myself here.”
Now, I know that under every complaint is a desire. Today I hit the truth of my resentment during that replay. It isn’t that I want more attention, it’s that I desire what she has–to make shitloads of money while traveling the globe with a hot lover.
There, I said it.
I’ve been doing magic for as long as I’ve been alive, I just didn’t claim it as that.
Recently, at a music festival, I was playing a didjeridoo for the first time. I felt the softness of my lips vibrating and the opening in my throat and I exclaimed to strangers around me, “This is going to bring me a lover!”
I went and took out the last $300 in my account and bought it.
That night, after a long period of desiring but not having a lover, magic brought me face to face with a man who was the sexiest human I’d ever felt.
Before walking into the venue I asked a friend for some tobacco which he didn’t have. This man in front of me was licking the edge of something just rolled. My first words, “What is it?” “A mix” he said casually. “Perfect” I took a few drags still in front of him.
Then I slipped in next to him with an, “I’m just going to stand here.”
He instantly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him. I melted and let the pleasure come over me, saturate me. I curled into his chest and my face found its way toward his where the kiss I’ve been wanting for my whole life waited.
Within minutes he calmly said, “I must make love to you now.”
“Yes” fucking, yes.
That was my magic.
I've cowered in the past saying and actually feeling, “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” When someone would comment on my energetic prowess. I would collapse, act coy and shy, which I’m not.
Neither of those would describe me. I’m direct and powerful.
I see how the darkness of my sexual history brought me to the depths of my cells, to know them, to feel every nuance of them.
I see how I’d starve myself of money, connection, sex to feel an enormous amount of pressure.
I get off on intensity, I thrive there. It’s why I’m so good at what I do. I’m unafraid of the dark.
I actually knew, at some level, that I wanted intense pressure around money when I bought the Extra Large Money Draw Spell Kit. I knew I was on the edge, but didn’t check to see precisely how close.
This pressure unearthed my truth: I desire to be paid shitloads of money to be myself while traveling the globe with a committed hot lover.
I conjured the sexy man through vibration and becoming more receptive in my body and mind. Saying yes to my impulses of where to be and trusting myself. I got to feel my receptivity and actually went out-of-control in his presence. I’d never felt that before. It was an unbelievable relief.
I got to see the vast expansion and painful contractions that followed and the gifts within them. I tasted it and know it exists now. I haven’t seen or heard from him since. I didn't ask for his last name or number wanting to stay out-of-control. I told you, I love intensity.
Here in this moment I am claiming my rightful place as a witch who has been doing high magic since I came into this beautiful body.
I am powerful and learning the art of being this creature alive and awake to my impact on the world.
I am influencing everything all the time. It’s my birthright. It’s our birthright.
Inside every contraction that I have the honor of traveling into, I find a gold nugget of my remembrance and reclamation.
This is an elaborate treasure hunt I forgot I staged for myself.
Here’s to the adventure we are on. We are becoming free. We are remembering our power and how to use it for the benefit of all beings.
Yes, I am a fucking witch.
P.S. I received the Extra Large Money Draw Spell Kit today.